Finn-tastic humour: The 13 funniest Finnish jokes
SOME OF THE FUNNIEST JOKES AROUND ARE FINLAND JOKES
Yes, we know Finns are famous for being reserved and serious, but when it comes to witty one-liners and self-mockery, they're comedy geniuses.
Finland even made the world chortle by designing a protective cover for a Nokia 3310. Finns hard for a laugh, which is why Finland jokes are as popular as they are funny. Finland jokes have even inspired us at Very Finnish Problems to design some of our favourite, best-selling T-shirts.
So, let's put our hands together and welcome 13 of the best Finland jokes to the stage. No heckling!
1. How do you know when a Finnish man is madly in love with his wife?
He almost tells her.
2. How do you spot an extrovert Finn?
When talking to you, he stares at your feet instead of his own.
3. What is a Finns favourite novel?
East of Sweden
4. What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?
A perkele-tor!
5. Why don't you see Finns on the moon?
They went, but there was no wood.
6. A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn are just about to be executed...
The Finn is first and he's given a choice of how he's going to be killed. He chooses the guillotine. But then when they try to behead him the machine broke and they let him go free. As he walks off he whispers to the Norwegian and the Swede: "pick the guillotine, it's broken!" So the Norwegian, who is next, chooses the guillotine and because it's broken he's set free as well. The Swede is last. He thinks: "Damn, the guillotine is broken, I better choose the electric chair!"
7. What is the most heavenly language?
Finnish, because it takes an eternity to learn.
8. How many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Once a Finn has noticed that a light bulb is made of glass and is the shape of a bottle, he'll try to open it.
9. No, seriously, how many Finns does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb and four to drink enough vodka for the room to start spinning.
10. Jussi and Pekka go moose hunting...
They rent a plane to take them to the wilderness. They bag 4 moose. They bring them back to the landing site. The pilot says that it is too much weight. They argue that they got 4 moose the last time and the plane was the same model. The pilot relents. The plane gets up to 90 meters and then crashes. Pekka crawls out of the wreckage and sees Jussi and asks, “Jussi, where are we!?” Jussi replies, “I think we're at the same place we crashed last year!”
11. There is a story about a Swede and a Finn...
Out fishing by a lake in the deep forests of Northern Finland. Not another soul for miles and miles. Today they are not fishing, instead they are concentrating on emptying bottle after bottle of Koskenkorva, Finnish Vodka.
They start to drink early in the morning, and no one says a word. Finally, late in the evening, the Swede lifts his bottle and says - Cheers! The annoyed Finn replies: - Are we gonna talk, or are we gonna drink?
12. What's the difference between Swedes and mosquitoes?
Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
13. The Soviet army marches into Finland...
They hear a voice from the other side of a hill: One Finnish soldier is better than ten Soviet soldiers. The Soviet general sends ten soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet again. The voice then says, one Finnish soldier is better than one hundred Soviet soldiers. The Soviet general sends one hundred Soviet soldiers. There is more gunfire and then silence. The voice speaks up again and says one Finnish soldier is better than one thousand Soviet soldiers. The Soviet general then sends one thousand Soviet soldiers. There is a lot of gunfire and then silence. After awhile a Soviet soldier crawls over the hill and say to the general, do not send more troops, it's a trap, there are two Finnish soldiers.
If you enjoyed these Nordic rib-ticklers, then check out the Very Finnish Problems Facebook page for more banter. Or have a flick through the 101 Very Finnish Problems books, which are filled with witty observations and cultural quirks.
The generals from USA, Hungary and Finland were negotiating about co-operation. The argument about courage was introduced. Every general was convinced that their soldiers were the bravest. A competition was decided. First was Hungary. The general told the soldier to swim in pool full of hungry Sharks. -Yes, sir! Even I can’t swim I will do it! said the poor soldier, jumped into pool and before he drowned, sharks ate him. Then IT was USA’s turn. A Navy Seal came and jumped into pool. He was able to kill two Sharks before he was eaten. Then came the Finnish soldier. When the general told him to jump into pool full of sharks, soldier replyed: -Go jump yourself, sir! So Finns won.
There must be space for joke how ti sink a Swedish submarine when Finn dives into sea and knocks at the door